Story Telling Assignment about Jacky

We did this in class and were given 20 mins. The 1st story is what I wrote during class and the 2nd is my edited version. Tried to improve on it from the comments given:)

(unedited version)

Because of the uncomfortable outfit, Jacky struggles even to enter the temple. While trying to get through the door, he trips over the plank of wood on the bottom of the door-frame and falls face down. A loud ‘thub’ sound is heard and everyone in the temple stops to look at him. Some children laughs at him while mothers immediately cover their toddlers’ eyes because of his disgraceful outfit. A monk immediately looks at his god and says a short prayer.

After Jacky manages to get up, he goes to give his prayers. In the prayer room, no one kneels beside him because they are all disgusted with his attire. An old lady who is about to enter the room gives an 180 degrees turn when she sees him. All these did not matter to Jacky at all, and he continues to pray.

Jacky takes a piece of paper which would tell his future and goes to meet the fortune teller. At the fortune-teller’s little desk, he gives Jacky an uncomfortable look and shakes his head. Jacky, still ignorant to his surrounding, smiles at the fortune-teller and passes him the paper. The old fortune-teller looks at the paper and tries to read Jacky’s future, while Jacky keeps his fingers crossed. He sighs, looks at Jacky and begins to revail his future…

comments: did not state why Jacky was in such an outfit..

(edited version)

Jacky puts on his hula girl outfit and enters the temple. He thinks that ths is a really cool outfit, and besides, all his peers has great comments on it, saying that he looks awesome in it. Jacky feels very confident in his attire. However, because the hula girl outfit is uncomfortable, Jacky faces much struggles even while trying to enter the temple. While entering through the door, he trips over the plank of wood on the bottom of the door-frame and falls face down. A loud ‘thub’ sound is heard and everyone in the temple stops to look at him. Some children laughs at him while mothers immediately cover their toddlers’ eyes because of his disgraceful outfit. A monk immediately looks at his god and says a short prayer. However, Jacky did not realise that they are disgusted by his outfit but assumes that they were laughing at the way he fell. He rubs his swollen knees embarrassingly and smiles with them, saying “Funny how clumsy people can be sometimes.”

After Jacky manages to get up, he goes to give his prayers. In the prayer room, no one kneels beside him because they are all dismayed by his attire. An old lady who is about to enter the room gives an 180 degrees turn and walks away when she sees him. All these did not bother Jacky at all, and he continues to pray.

Jacky then takes a piece of paper which would tell his future and goes to meet the fortune-teller. At the fortune-teller’s little desk, he gives Jacky an uncomfortable look and shakes his head. Jacky, still ignorant to his surroundings, smiles at the fortune-teller and passes him the paper. The old fortune-teller looks at the paper carefully and tries to read Jacky’s future, while Jacky keeps his fingers crossed. He gives a deep sigh, looks at Jacky and begins to revail his future…

Half an hour passes quickly and the fortune-teller said all that he has to say. Jacky walks out of the temple frowning, repeating all that the fortune-teller says in a disappointed tone. His walking pace slows down and suddenly comes to a pause. Jacky looks up, as if he has a terrific idea to change his bad ‘fate’!

“Next time, I shall wear my red hula girl outfit wherever I go!” He says, ” for they say, red is a lucky colour.”
END

Can we change our future just by changing the colour of our attire? Well, I hope that I’ve improved on the 2nd story and hope that you’ve enjoyed it:) Please feel free to give me any comments!

By Pamela Soh, class T1B2, 21 apr 2007

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