For the rain it raineth every day.– Twelfth Night
Life is a wonder in itself. So much has happened to me lately that I don’t know where to start. Family, friends, school etc. are coming up with new events every minute that I wonder if its worth my thinking or not. Things are beginning to bother me, and I sometimes think if I’ve taken the right step. I mean, every steps leads to some where in my future, doesn’t it? And one wrong step can lead to something really undesirable. I know this good enough, who hasn’t made mistakes?
I know we live in a world where man cannot exist alone. It would suck if I’m all alone in the world. Like Tom Hanks in his film Cast Away, oh he was all alone… But sometimes, I just wish that there is a place that belongs to me, and me alone. Just me, living on my own. I need friends, yes I do. And I love my friends. But haven’t you experienced some time in your life that you wished you were left alone? Not permanently, just for a while.
It’s not about being ’emo’ here, wrist slitting, drug taking, drinking… No, its not that. Definitely and thankfully not. It’s just about having some time I can consider mine, not having to worry about whether what I do affects anyone else or not. It’s just about me, knowing what I really want in life and not head an endless road, seeking it’s pleasures along the way. And it’s just about me, having commitments and sticking to them, but with the knowledge of what they actually are. Really, it’s about me, knowing who I am and what I need in life.
If only, the world, and life itself, was made clearer to me. If only I know what is this thing about life, its wonders, and its experiences all about. If only I know what does the world has got to offer, and what I can have, or need from it. But if only, all these never existed in the first place. Things would have been made much easier. Life might have been better, too.
I’m not hoping that after you, my friends, read this page, everything will seem dull to you, void without colour. I’m just voicing out what I think and what I hope to think. Nothing here is sad, really. It’s just that I need time to sort out my thinkings. But things can look good along the way, things can be cheerful. Really.
I’m tired, good night.
“What is love? ‘Tis not hereafter.
Present mirth hath present laughter.
What’s to come is still unsure.
In delay there lies no plenty,
Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty.
Youth’s a stuff will not endure.”
Feste, the Witty Clown.