Tapestry

Alright, this is a totally random picture, but I just like posting it here! Haha!

Golden Globes 09’s results are out, and Johnny Depp was one of the presenter! He brought such presence when he stepped onto stage. Ok, maybe I felt this way because I really admire his work. Hah! Well, I guess the next BIG thing would be the Academy Awards. May the best filmmakers win. Oh, then the ASC Awards, 15 Feb. Can’t wait! May the best DP win! Haha!

Anyway, so much happened in Drama Production Class today. Not ‘drama’ cause it’ll be too strong a word, but perhaps, incidents? Yeah, lot’s of them, to me at least.

First of, the better news! Andrew, our lecturer, asked me to load the Arri SR 2 camera (see above!). It’s a film camera, really cool! I love film, the quality they present, the history and beauty of it, and how images actually ‘appear’ on the film as light passes through it. But I have to admit that in Singapore, practically speaking, its digital. Well, I hope that film doesn’t ‘die’ off, cause it’s a piece of ‘history’ that does not want make itself history. It’s like a 100 plus years ‘historical’ object, yet it is constantly being developed to something so technically advanced and perfect. Like Kodak’s new Vision 3. Cool. Its simply grand.

Sorry, I was off topic. Haha. Anyway, when I had to load the film today, it was kind of a mix between excitement and nervousness. It’s somewhat an honor and a privilege to do so, yet, I was so scared I’ll screw up or break the camera, waste an entire roll of film or something. Haha, but well, there’s always a first time, and we should never be afraid to try. Thats how we learn, isn’t is? No fear. I had to put the magazine into a black bag to block off all lights so as to not expose the film, put the roll of film into it too, and feel my way through and load it. It was an experience. We learnt how to load in class, but that was with exposed films, so we could do it in the bright room. But this time was just touch and understanding. Thank Mr. Andrew, who was there giving me step by step information on how to load it, if not I’ll be totally lost. Haha! Cant say it was easy, but it wasn’t the hardest thing ever either. Maybe because someone experience was there to guide, which made things easier, but well, I think if we are willing to practice more, the skill can be learnt. That’s why they say practice makes perfect yeah. We’ve all got to start from somewhere. Somewhere small. That’s humble learning.

Anyways, it was a great sense of achievement to load the camera. The FILM camera. Haha!

Next incident, was when Mr. Andrew asked me this question today. It goes something like that:

A: Hey Pam, do you really want to do cameras?

Me: Yeah.

A: Can I give you a piece of advice?

Me: Yeah sure…

A: You’ve got to learn to be more technical. I mean that’s what being a DP is about, you got to be technically good. Not like a director who can learn along the way (something like that), a DP’s got to know it be heart. (again, something like that).

Me: (I cant remember what I said, but it was something to.. Meaning? Haha)

A: I’m not being offensive (I didn’t feel that way though), but sometimes you ask me things you should have known already. You can read up these stuff in books if you’re interested…

Me: Hmm.. any suggestions?

A: There’s one in the library, called Practical Cinematography.

Me: Ohhh Ok, cool. Thanks so much.

That was a great piece of advice. I’m not being sarcastic. I mean, thanks for lecturers like this who give these advice to students. I’ll really head to such advice, and hopefully, I can be a step closer to my dreams. Because honestly, this is all I think I’ll want to do in my life. And such advice can change my life, I’m not exaggerating. Haha! But it was great, I mean, it was an honest, sincere and useful piece of advice. I’ll work on that. Guess it’s time to work hard during the holidays! Fun kind of working hard. Haha! But from deep down in my heart, I was really grateful.

And to the last incident. Not a good one. Ah Crap. The class break into 2 for an exercise using the SR2 and we had to shoot under the sun. There were quite a fair amount of shade from the trees, but it was hot nonetheless. After shooting for 1.5 hours or so, and running to and fro the class and location to get stuff, I almost black out. Damn. I’ve never felt this way for as long as I remember. Oh, once when I went jogging without warm up. Haha. I kind of felt giddy halfway through, and went to a shade to rest. Thanks to understanding group members who let me rest. Jen even help fan me… Sweet. Haha. They sort of made me not get back to work and rest. Mic even went to buy green tea for the group. How sweet of him! Haha thanks guys sooo much.

Anyways, I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore, and to do justice to my body, I decided to go back to the sound stage to rest. I walked like a few meters, and there was this black sheet over my eyes. I couldn’t see much, it was so dark. So, I sat down IN FRONT of a parked car to rest, then decided to run to the sound stage. If you’d ask me now, it was a stupid idea.

But, I ran, and halfway through, my smart body decided that the decision was dumb, and made me have the need to lie down right away. So I did. Good thing Adrian was there if not I’ll look like some idiot. But I guess I didn’t think so much about that there and then. Adrian tried to help open the door to the sound stage, but his fingerprint did not work on the door. So I tried my very best to make my way to the door, which, at that point of time, seemed like eternity away. I couldn’t open the door too, cause my hands were wet with the vaporisation of the drink.

Good thing Mr Andrew appeared on time.

With a magic touch, he swang the door open, and let me in. Man, it felt like paradise in there. I rushed for the sofa and just lie down like some sick pig. Mr Andrew and Adrian made me sip some green tea. When they left the room, I heard this buzzing sound in my ears. I know it usually happens at such situation, but I heard 2! TWO. One was louder than the other, and for a point of time, I thought it came from the room itself. It was frightening. Not only couldn’t I see too well, I thought I might just go deaf too. Thank god I’m fine now. But Mr Andrew was so sweet, he bought me plain water! And as he puts it, the money came out from his kid’s lunch. Hah! But I was really appreciative and very thankful. It could have very well saved my life. Seriously. Haha.

I felt better after 10 mins of rest, and when I wanted to go out to help the guys (and girl) shoot again, they were packing up already and going back to the sound stage. But thanks so much for friends who care and understand. I was really, really appreciative for the care, drinks and help. Thanks guys, if you ever see this.

It was an experience! Haha! One that I’ll probably never want to go through again, and one that I’ll definitely never forget. Ok, it wasn’t the biggest thing that ever happened to me, but it was… unusual, and frightening. I’m just glad and thankful it’s over. Haha! People, take care of your health ok! You’ll learn to treasure it only when it’s playing tricks on you…

What an exciting day. Wooh.

Oh, tapestry because so many things happened today, on different subject, but to the same person -me. I hope I used this term correctly though. Haha!

Anyway, I think of you when I hear the song, and I hear the song when I think of you.

Catch Me When I Fall

Have you ever wondered how good a friend are you? Because, we all need friends. And because, friends need us too. Its kind of a cycle thing, an ongoing process, an eternal commitment.

Maybe I missed it out in my last post, but if there’s something I want to change for the new year (come on, its just 11 Jan, not too late right? Haha.) it’s to be a better friend. I believe I’m not those bad ass friend, who back stab people and, I don’t know, torture people? But being a better friend, cause I’m not a perfect friend. Being there for the friend, supporting, loving, caring, and all the cheesy stuff, as you know. Hmm, maybe being a cheesy friend is the perfect kind of friend? Sincere kind of cheesy, not the sarcastic kind of cheesiness.

It’s not easy being a perfect friend. Perfect to the extent of treasuring your friend like you treasure your life. Perfect to the extent of seeing your time, money, energy, of less importance than your friend. Perfect to the extend to the willingness of giving up everything for him/her. Perfect, even to the extent of loving your friend as much as yourself. It’s not easy, it’s possible, but not easy. Its beautiful, and it’s great.

I want to be such a friend, someone my friends can count on, reply on and trust. It takes time, effort, sincerity, and lots of love. It’s going to be a challenge, and I’ll probably fail from time to time, but it’s a goal. Someone I want to be. Its great to be the prefect friend, not for myself, but for the people around me.

If you ask yourself, how much of a perfect friend can you be, what kind of answer can we expect to hear? I haven’t been the perfect friend, perfect in my terms, so perhaps it’s time to change.

If there are certain people in my life whom I think I can give up almost everything for, I think there are some. Minus the family part, that is, cause they are, by far, the most important people I have. I think there are certain friends whom I love so much, that there are lots of things I’m willing to do for them. Not rob, steal, kill kind of things, but sacrifice. I’m not perfect to them though, but now I want to be.

Life experience have shown me enough to know who are making use of you, and who truly need your help. I’ve seen friends who are so kind, that people eat them up like lions eat the lamps. Bad metaphor, I know, but my brains do not have the amount of energy my body demands now. Anyway. There is a clear line between sincerely helping your friend, and stupidly being made used of, so we got to beware too. But I guess I’m old enough to know the difference, and mature enough not to do that to my friends. ‘Cause, honestly, if there’s something I really hate most, is when people make use of friends. For whatever reasons. Hate it to the core. Its not only selfish, its hypocritical, disgusting, and stupid.

But it’s really beautiful when friends help each other, you know, unconditionally and willingly. It’s a great feeling you get. Or should I say, we get.

So, catch me when I fall. ‘Cause you know that I would. And if I can’t, I’ll fall with you.

(That’s an actual quote from a dear friend of mine, who said this when my msn nick was: Catch Me When I Fall)

Time to sleep. Nights.

P.S. Hey, You know I’ll catch you when you fall, right? Yes, I will- its a promise

P.S.S I like Will Smith’s acting in 7 Pounds. He’s cool.

P.S.S.S. An update on my pet fish, Lub. He knows me, and wants food every time he sees me! And he yawns too, a couple of times tonight, guess it’s time to turn off the lights! (o.O that rhythms!)

P.S.S.S.S I know this multiply P.S thing is really freaking irritating, but I got to say pardon me for the weird English is this post, cause I’m too tired to structure my sentences properly in the head of mine.

It’s an ’09 for You

So, probably almost the entire population in the world who keeps a blog will be writing about the past year, and the present one. So it won’t be special in any ways, but it’ll be special to me.

One year has come and gone (the usual phrase people say every year), and time has passed when you least expected it to (yeah, there you go). I tell myself this every year ever since I knew the meaning of this phrase, and urge myself to do something about it, like some life-changing experiences and all, you know, but it seems that I go back to square one each year.

Well, maybe. Maybe sometimes we think that we do nothing in life. Yeah, to a certain extend that can be true. But if we make an effort to try, I believe we can learn something every day. Such posts should be a daily affair, not a yearly one.

Looking back on 08, which obviously was a difficult year for many, come tainted milk, recession, natural disasters and elevating global warming to the next level, I must say that there are indeed certain areas that I’ve discovered about myself and the world, and certain areas I do hope to rid of my life.

Here’s 08 for me:

MOVIES!!!!!

o8 is a year I’ve confirmed my love for the moving images in the terms of film and digital- movies, in short. In the holidays, I spend much of my time in the Esplanade library reading books on cinematography, and watching movies. Kind of like a loner huh, thats what my friends say. But oh well, if your heart is there, your feet will find their way there too. (But friends are so damn important to me too.)

In the two months semester break, I’ve watch a total of 106 movies. Blockbusters like The Dark Knight, American Gangster, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, to classics like Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Third Man, Elephant Man. From romantic movies (not my cup of tea, usually) like PS I Love You, Love Actually, to musicals like Across the Universe, Chicago. From ‘intelligent’ movies like Burn After Reading, There Will Be Blood, Courage Under Fire, to ‘funnymen’ but really great movies like The Darjeeling Limited, Animal House, Death at Funeral. These are just to name a few. Horrors, fantasies, drama etc. and the list goes on. Hollywood, foreign films, and local films, they capture my heart.

The Past is as Important as the Future

Many people say forget the past and look towards the future. Well, yeah, we shouldn’t dwell on the past, but there are things of the past worth remembering, loving and cherishing. Like friends. Secondary school friends, for example. We can get so caught up in our lives that sometimes we neglate those who are so important to us. I guess I’ve learnt that these relationship needs time and effort to keep, and love to maintain. Taking things for granted wouldn’t help. It takes time for us to mature, before we learn that if one cannot sacrifice for something, we’ll probably lose it forever.

Anyways, I just cant wait for the secondary class gathering this Saturday. It’s not just the usual clicks, the few of us, but almost the WHOLE class. How more exciting can that get. My beloved, here we come!!!!! 🙂

Some things in the past hurt us. Some things makes us want to forget the past altogether. But I guess if we learn to look on the brighter side of life (which can be really difficult to do), the things that hurt us, the things that make us sad, can be turned into things that teaches us a life lesson. A priceless one in fact. It’s not easy, really. It takes courage and faith. But if we try, I’m sure we’ll get there some day, where ever you want to go to. We’ll get to a moment in time when the past, however painful in might have been, looks beautiful to us. Because it’s a time we’ve lived on this world, a time that belongs to us.

Pain, really, is all part of live. Avoiding it makes it more painful in time to come.

People can be stupid

No, really, we can be dumb at times. Like, REAL DUMB. I’ve made stupid mistakes this year, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

And when we live our lives aimlessly, we are, in fact, living stupidly. Wasting time is like throwing our lives away. Stupid, isn’t it? See, people are stupid.

But I guess we can change. If we really want to. Not like: oh yea, I’m gonna change my life. I’m gonna live life to the fullest. Oh, yea.. But, sincerely, deep from the heart. The knowing, wanting, and willingness to change. Not a speak only thing. Because just talk can’t bring you anywhere. It takes action and believe.

Life doesn’t happen the way you want it to. It’ll be, I’m sorry, but kind of retarded to wish it happened to your likings. ‘Cause than that’s no longer life. You can’t even make a movie when everything comes smooth sailing. You need conflict. Audiences need conflict to want to watch your show. It’s all about life, and even the movies seem to agree with this. Happy endings? I don’t know, but I don’t think so. I’m growing skeptical about happily ever after endings, but conflict? Yes, definitely. Get used to it, accept it and face it. It’s, after all, what life gives us.

Your Image

To some, their lives are their image. And their image is their lives. It’s all about how they look. Yeah, in a way, the way you present yourself is very important, especially in first-impression circumstance.

So many people say I behave like a guy. Jokingly, but it still came out of their mouths. One even said: ‘Oh, you’ve watched Twilight? I thought only girls watched it. WAHAHAHAHA!’ It’s kind of like a: -.- situation.

I confess. My room is pretty- messy. I try my very best to keep it beautiful, but after every week, it looks the same as before. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried. When I need a new box of tissue papers, I either take the already opened one from my parent’s room, or live without it till my mother replaces it for me. Sometimes, she stacks 3 boxes above one another so I won’t bother her in changing it for me all the time. Maybe because I’m still a ‘kid’ in the house. Not the youngest child, the oldest, in fact, but still seen as a ‘kid’. Maybe it’s time to be more mature. We’ll start with the tissue boxes. Then the desk… Maybe by the time I become a mom myself, I’ll be real neat.

In my wardrobe, I have t-shirts and jeans. Once a while, it’s pretty fun to change the dressing a little, for the freshness of it. But at the end of the very day, I’m still more comfortable with what I call my skin. Shirt and jeans. Well, skirts, maybe. I do love dresses and pretty clothes, but when it comes to comfort and preference, well, you know it already. I do wear them, occasionally, so don’t worry, I’m perfectly normal.

So when I can’t live up to those ‘perfect’ girl’s standard and image, I’ll take comfort in reminding myself- That’s the reason we are behind the camera. In the context of what I’m studying- Film, Sound & Video.

Great People in my Life

Family, friends. These people are great, and believe me, without them, I’ll never be here. Really.

But other than these perfect people in my life, there are the people whom I don’t personally know but admire.

EMMANUEL LUBEZKI

He’s so talented, and has impacted me in my perspectives in certain movies, that I’ll think about this respectable man at least once a day. Not those fan-crazy-gaga stuff, but with admiration and respect. Someone whom I want to learn so much from, and someone whom I hornour. Someone whom, when I talk about, I feel the excitement in glorifying his vision and works, and his very own perspective about life-and-movies. Like how Emmanuel Lubezki didn’t want to glorify war, so he chose to shoot Children of Men in ‘uglier’ images than make them picture perfect, and of course this decision was in conjunction with the story of the film. Well, giving him an Oscar Nomination and ASC Award for that film. HAHA!!! I want to learn from him.

And of course, there’s Johnny Depp, Roger Deakins, Conrad L Hall, (my current favourite female DP) Ellen Kuras, Jim Stugress, and Ellen Page.

My New Pet Fish

I bought a new oscar fish. It’s peachy and orangy in colour, and just about 2 inches long. Really cute. It’s called Lub (with absolutely no intention of disrespect. haha!) . Its on my desk.

Hopefully this oscar fish will give people who deserve it the Oscar awards! haha! It’s a little fish I keep by my side to keep this hope for these people growing. Love my pet!

It’s 2nd January already. No longer New Years day. Not too late to wish you a happy new year, right?

Happy New Year 2009. May it be a terrific year for you ahead. And grow everyday. (Not like physically, cause the world will then be too small to fit all of us in, and global warming will rise to be more dangerous to the next level, and oil prises will rise like it never did before, and trees will be too small to give us oxygen…… it will look real bad if this happen) But, grow, be wiser and don’t ever, ever waste your life away.

Life’s not worth the waste.

Nights.

P.S. You. Hmmm… I’m still waiting.