I Wished That It Was Still Last Night

I always wonder what the future unfolds. And sometimes, I fear it. I don’t dare walk alone; I wished you were here. But I guess you aren’t. I guess I’ll have to accept facts, and continue to thread the path. It’s a journey we all must take, but sometimes, it’s the way we walk it that matters. Some walk a journey with bliss, but we’ll all end up at a single destination anyways. My heart really aches, but I guess there’s not really anything I can do about it. (I guess I’m so ’emo’ now cause I’ve just watched 2 really depressing documentary. Oh wells.) But does these really matter? What really matters to me? I’m still finding for the answer. I’ve probably got to, soon.

There are so many interesting people out there, and that inevitably makes me really boring. I mean, people dance, they are in the army, they play the instrument, they save sharks, they go against the government, they form bands, they become historians… And I, well, I like films. Making them and watching them. That’s about all I can do. I want to learn ride the bike, but it seems I’m going to make many people worry and angry if I do. I want to travel to countries and help the people there, the kids there. But not right now- I cant due to commitments.. I’m going to do so, trust me. I am, probably after graduation. But then there is the worry of prioritizing my time and people around me, and disagreements I might face. But what doesn’t come with a set of problems? Probably nothing. I like old songs and stuff like posters, paintings, banners, comics. But I dont collect them. I guess I belong to another generation altogether. I might be better off there. But I’m here. Kind of stucked. But oh wells, I’m probably happy.. so…

If there is something I want to do in my life, is make an impact to others. In learning how to make films, I want to change people’s thoughts of things. Make them think, make them feel, make them understand. I want to travel to countries to change the lives of people, for the better. Teach the kids, help build houses for the poor, talk to them, laugh with them, love them. Because each individual on earth is special. They each have a story left on the tracks on the journey they’ve thread. They are all special beings. I want to know them…

I guess 2 recent documentaries I’ve watched have changed my perspective of what humans can do. Like in Sharkwaters, someone mentioned that if Ghandi, an individual, can change the world, there is a possibility that we all can too. I guess the matter is whether we want to or not. Whether we believe in what we are doing.

Born Into Brothels

It’s simply a film that inspires. It makes me want to be a better photographer, as well as makes me want to help many kids out there who are not living a life they deserve. ‘Aunty Zana’ (and Kauffman) went to live in the brothels in India to photograph the prostitutes there, and somehow formed a bond with the children of the prostitutes there. Teaching them photography, the children went on to take beautiful photos. The 2 filmmakers eventually helped the kids seek better lives outside the brothels, and one child even went to the other side of the world for better education because of his talent in photography.

The photos the kids took were just beautiful. I swear, some of the photos are even better than the photos people in my school take. Its just simple ‘snap and go’. The kids used the simple cameras they have to photograph the things they see, and the feelings that they feel. We more often than not chase after the latest technologically advanced camera we can get our hands on. Is that really necessarily? Something they had in their photos that many of ours lacked was the emotions. The children captured their thoughts in the photo, while all most of us cared about was getting ‘compositionally’ nice photos. Their photos had the power to change their lives. The photos some of us produce are only there for the grades.

But the kids talents amazes me. I hope for the best for them ❤


I probably have never loved sharks more than I ever did beforeI watched the films. They aernt scary, they aernt fierce. Most importantly, they aernt food. People out there getting married, please dont ever serve your guests with sharks fin soup. Stewart and his team did all they could to protect the sharks: going against the authorities, the people, and even their very own life. Their courage amazes me.

And the beauty of the ocean makes life on earth seem dull. The corals in the sea makes the mountains seem like tiny hills. The fish in the ocean makes tigers seem like cats. The colours of the life in the waters make flowers seem like weed. Not that life on earth is dull. They definitely are not. haha..

But this film is colourfully amazing and touching. Go catch it.

Anyways, I’m not saying much about the films (so much lesser than what I would have like to) cause I’m exhuasted. Survivng with 5 plus hours pf sleep each day isnt really funny. I’ll post more stuff about the movies when I can.. 🙂

And with all the complains I hear from people each day: My dears, I know you are stressed. Its not easy, I agree. But you are too lucky to complain. We all are.

P.S. Promise me, you’ll wait for me…


If you don’t try, you’re never going to learn

It’s been half a semester already, but it feels like school just started. We’ve had so much projects, that when I finally stepped into a mall some time ago (for fun, not to buy props etc.), I felt like I haven’t had much of a social life for quite some time. Haven’t even met some of my Sec Sch friends for a period of time. I’m finally going to meet them tomorrow, Finally! And i really miss them alot.. But so much have been happening these times, that it did not really seem like Time anymore. It seemed more like the passing of things. No longer counted in seconds, minutes or hours (unless we are doing the camera reports for the shoots.. hehe), but counted in the things accomplished. It’s kind of weird, but at them same time mysterious.

Many of us (I’m sometimes guilty of this too) complain, complain, complain. We bitch about how the work load seems impossible, and we’ll all die a miserable death. And the best phrase that has been going around is: we have no life anymore. I may not be so much of a complain-er, but I do find myself resenting the burden at times. But the more I think about it, I came to believe that it is not that we no longer have a life, but we have committed and given our lives to something we are passionate about. Not so much that we are going to DIE for making a film, but it’s the time, energy, money, and faith we have put into learning how to make ‘movies’. It is giving so much of ourselves learning and practicing the skill that we might have to give up on certain leisure in life. Like bathing lesser of 15 mins or so. Or eating a spoonful less fof rice so we have more time to complete the projects. Kidding. But you get my point. So, its not that we dont have a life, it’s just that we have committed our life to something we believe in.

In fact, that might just as well be what life is all about. I dont know for sure. As you can see, I’m still in the midst of looking for an answer.

So much have been happening these days. For the past few months, or so to speak. I’ve learnt alot, and I’ve probably seen myself grow. I realise I can overcome things I never thought I’d manage. Which I am thankful for 😉 Thanks to friends who have listened to me speak my heart’s voices in the mid of the day. Thanks to friends who have sent me messages of encouragement. I owe you guys one.

Well, I guess that if life chose to give you sh**, you’ve got to accept it, and learn how to make a better of it. Dont dwell on things and mull over the sad times. Move on. Seek what you love in life. Then embrace it and enjoy it. Thankfully, I’ve got my interest to keep me going. They give me hope, really. Hope that the future is for me to explore. Past is past. Remember the past, treasure it, but dont, please dont, dwell on it. Sometimes, I find myself thinking of the past so much that I forget that I have a future to live.

There were 2 men climbing a mountain. It’s tall, cold, steep and full of obstacles, but the view at the top is spectucular. One man, while climbing, kept looking back. He wanted to see how much he’s conquered and how much he’s climbed. But as he looked back and climbed at the same time, he missed a step and fell. Back to the foot of the mountain he went. The man was in pain, and he has to give up on his chance to reach the mountain top. The second man, like the first, climbed the mountain. However, he did not turn back, but looked to the tip of the mountain and continue on his journey. He met with setbacks and obstacles, but he overcome them. Sometimes he fall a little, but he picked himself up and continued to climb the mountain. Never once did he turn back and look at his trail. Eventually, with much hard work, he reached the top. He saw the beautiful view of the world before him. He succeeded.

Sometimes, this is life. We have a journey ahead of us. We have troubles ahead for us to fix. But we have to learn to face them bravely, and not keep looking back at the past and mull over things of the ‘yesterdays’. We’ve got to learn from the past, but not live in the past.

Sometimes, I cant let go of what happened yesterday, a month ago, or even a year ago. I let the feelings hibernate inside me. I never learnt to let them go. But I guess Im learning how to now. Moving forward, and leaving the pass as it is. Learning from them, but letting them go at the same time.

I just hope that I’m brave enough for the future.

Alright, going to watch Bruce Lee’s Fist of Fury now.. Enough of these thinking 🙂

P.S. You, is relative.

Items checked out: 8 Sand Bags, 2 Eye Bags ;)

I’m finally back posting somethng decent on my blog.. The past 3 weeks has been bloody rush, with 3 weekends of shoot in a row… This is probably the first time we are experiencing this in the 2 years of FSV life… Its really tiring, escaping reality with an average of 4-5 hours of sleep each day, but it’s damn challenging and fun at the same time. I’ve perhaps slept at every corner of school: the nle room, the cage, the peview theater, by the road outside Ourspace, etc.. hah! But I’m probably enjoying every moment of it. Trust me, fulfilling the expectations of yourself and people around you, and the thought of being able to survive this period of time with your dear classmates is truly amazing. I guess we get to know each other better, and more importantly know ourselves better.. Such experiences come with time and effort. And of course the sacrifice of sleep 😉 But its great!

I kind of have a different perception of life as I grow… In the past, I used to believe strongly in fate and destiny. Everything is done in the hands of god, nothing is decided and can be decided by the human mind. But I see things differently now, I guess. There is a certain limit fate/destiny can go. It can make 2 person meet, make them brush pass each other, make them know each other, and make them love each other. But it can’t decide if the people can make their relationship work for the better. It cant promise them a better tomorrow. It cant promise them eternity.  It takes hard work; it takes effort and believe that the relationship IS going to work, and it takes trust to make it work. We cant just sit back and say: oh, we’ll leave it to fate. ‘Cause fate can only bring you this far. The rest, really, is up to you. You’ve got to make it work, cause ‘nothing’ else probably will.

Well, fate has got a part to play, though. It takes the first step for you, and then surrender, and leave the rest to you. What you make of it is in your hands, so dont blame fate if anything goes wrong.. Fate can only bring you thus far and the rest of the journey is to be walked by you, and you alone (of course not with the support from those who care).

You never know whats going to happen in the future. As certain as you can get, things do change. So, make a decision, and make that change. Stop stonning and leaving it to fate, it can only get you thus far..

Anyways, I’m going to have a serious talk with my parents soon. I really want to learn how to ride the bike. The motorbike. I know they are concern and wont let me to, but some reach a time in their lives when they are old enough to make the decisions for themselves. I’m still their child, I love them alot, but I know I really want to learn it. Something that I’ve learnt for the past 2 years is that if you are confident that you can do it, then go do it. If your are not- stop. If you never try, you will never know. So, Im going to try. Even if it’s going to take me all day…

PS. Im writing messy-ily. Pardon me… 😉

PSS. You is subjective.