I find myself missing you suddenly

I had some conversation not too long ago, and it made me miss my late great grandmother. Not that heart broken kind of miss, neither was it the full-of-regrets kind of miss. I wasn’t sad. In fact, I was happy. I was happy I had her as a great grandmother. I was glad for the memories I had with her. I was thankful for the time spent with her. My dear great grandmother. How I miss her, how I love her. And how joyful am I for having such a wonderful lady to have spent much of my childhood with me.

We didn’t meet every day. In fact, she lived in another country. But my childhood are filled with the memories of her by my side that it seemed that we lived together. I remember the times Mel and I hugged her because we were scared of the thunder. I remember the times when I just came home from school and she began bragging about how well my sister could draw. (-,-) I remember the times when I saw her in her room praying to her God, with those beads and stuff. I remember, when she was sick, how swollen her feet were. She couldn’t even walk. How my heart ached for her. And how I cried my eyes out when I was at her funeral. How I finally realised I’d never see her again. My great grandmother.

That was long ago already. Now, no one hardly speaks about her. Once in a while, maybe. Not much. Most of them saw her departure as a relief. For her. Since she was in great pain due to age. I saw it as a loss. Maybe I was selfish. I wanted her to he here forever. I never wanted her to go. Maybe I didnt care whether she was in pain or not. How selfish. Perhaps it was good she’s in somewhere where no one feels pain right now. I so bet she’s enjoying herself now 🙂 Oh, I bet she is. But though no one in the family speaks of her, I know that they love her. Cheesy, but she is in out hearts. Forever. When I’m old, I’d probably still think of her, and the memories we’ve had together. Maybe the whole family can unite in heaven or something. Together with my friends…

So for my cineto project, a story to be shot on photo slides, I’m going to do the best out of it. In memory of her. I want something so personal to me, something that represents her in my life. Something that she’d be proud to see me make. I’m sure she will.

Oh god, I’m crying already. Great grandma, if you could hear me now, I just want to say, I love you. I always will. ❤

P.S. there are many forms of love in this world.


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