I have a friend who, for the third time, asked me if I’d sacrifice my life for a shoot. From what I heard, it seemed more like a ‘shot’ instead of a ‘shoot’. But I take it as ‘shoot’. I was tempted to, on impulse, say yes, I will. It seemed so noble… To sacrifice your life, the WORLD for a shoot you ‘believe’ in. The word ‘yes’ could have easily gained much ‘respect’ from my friend. But honestly me answer is no.
No not because I dont take shoots seriously. Every shoot, to me, is to be given respect and trust. I can readily give up my energy, time, and (inevitably) health (in terms of lack of sleep thus falling sick) for a shoot. Perhaps many of my classmates and I have done so already. Shooting through the night till dawn of the following day. Getting the flesh of my fingertip slammed by the film camera’s magazine. Getting my fingers slashed by measuring tape. Getting sore muscles and sun burn because of a entire day of shoot. Getting painful palms because of the handling of equipments and sore feets. Having ugly muscles (hahahaha) and tired eyes from looking too long into the camera’s viewfinder… … These are sacrifices, aint it?
But when it comes to sacrificing my life, I don’t think I can. Maybe that makes me seen as NOT a ‘true artist’, whatever that means. Maybe that makes me come across as not being true to my work, which I can honestly say it ain’t true. But when it comes to life, be it literally speaking or meaning my family and friends, I cant give them up so easily.
As I question what means most to me, I must say it’s my family and friends. My grandparents need me, because I know how much they love me. My parents need me, I know how much time and effort and even money have they given up for me. My sister needs me, despite all the quarrels, she loves me. My friends need me, we spent so much time of our lives together. Not that these people will die without me, not that they need me to survive (duh) but they need me. I know that. Because they love me.
And shooting, making films, are personal passion in my life. Things that I like to do. Things that I believe are worth sacrificing certain things in life for. But when it comes to life in its own, it’s family and friends that matter most.
If my parents and grandparents can scarifice so much for me, I don’t know why I cannot do so for them too.
Honestly, I feel that my parents have enough money for my uni, and even maybe ‘fund’ me in future shoots. Money might not be a thing I have to worry about. Last time, when I planned for my future, all I thought of was what I WANTED and FELT like doing. Make films all the way. SO what if i didn’t earn? It didnt really bother me. After all, money is not all, right? Nah, I have a family to look after.
Because now, as time comes nearer (and because I have so many school film shoots I see the importance of money), I begin to think about what I really want for the future. I have plans to give myself time to do what I like to do, but I’ve now, glad to say, also plans to do things I can to earn money and pay back my family in kind. And even take care of them. Be it my current family, and perhaps family in future. Maybe, as I see it, it’s not all about ME now. I have people around me to look after of. I have people around me who require my time and love. And that is what I’m going to give them.
I’m glad my parents taught me how to love my family since young.
So if I was asked f I could give up my LIFE for a strong passion I have, I cant say that my entire life can be given up. Huge sacrifices can be made along the way, I’m more than glad to do so. But having to sacrifice my ‘life’ and family & friends. I’m sorry, I can’t. I have my passion, that is filmmaking, but if that was compared to the people around me, I’ll choose those I love. If it makes you think more ‘lowly’ of me and question my ‘passion’, then so be it. I myself know how much I love what I’m doing. I myself know how hard I work to make the shoots I do a success. I myself know how much I believe in the stories we tell in the shoots, and how much I’d work to make the dream (of telling the story) come true. But when it comes to family and friends, I’ll choose them. People I cannot live without.
I’m finding a way to make these work between the two, and I wont give up finding.
But as of now, I’m glad I know what makes up my life. ❤
P.S. You is Relative.