Protected: The way it is

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Sometimes you hear what people tell you of a certain someone. And thats totally different from the impression you have of him/her. And sometimes, it’s always easy to fall into the perception of what people say, whether its true or false.

You’ve been my friend for so many years. We’ve shared so much fun and suffering together. I’m going to stick to what I know of you ❤ No matter what people say, you will always be the great person I know you are. Love you always!

I’ve been giving so much thoughts about my further studies. Part of me wants to go overseas. But another part of me is scared sh**less. Somehow, the very thought of learning what I love from the ‘experts’ just makes me so terribly excited. Can this passion overcome all fear that I have?

Then another thing- are the universities I’m interested in willing to accept me?   :S The hard truth…

Anyways, tomorrow is our film’s rough cut screening. Wonder what will the lecturers say? I heard my friends who had their screening earlier have been coming out with the ‘Oh God!!!’ face. I wonder what kind of news will we be getting tomorrow. However, be it good or bad news, I just hope they’re constructive news. Never, is never an option. If there’s time and trust, we can all do whatever it takes to make our film a better film. I know I’ve put my heart into it. I know my teammates have, too. But tomorrow, we shall decide the very next step. Wish us luck and wisdom, as they call it.

One more thing: I’ve come to realise that little wishes can sometimes get the better of you. It’s always good to have dreams and fantasies- I have them every single day- but when it’s time to accept fact, you sometimes just got to. Whether you like it or not. Cause accepting the truth can minimise so much heartbreak and pain. Accepting the truth can spare one from being tied down and wasting so much unnecessary energy and time. Oh yes, accepting the truth can help one move on. Cause time doesn’t linger around you.

As they say: Once bitten, twice shy. Twice bitten, forever shy. (Or something like that.) How true, and the realisation of truth on the early stage can spare me from bitten the THIRD time. Oh, trust me, you wouldn’t like being bitten 3x on the very same spot. Hurts like hell, I tell you…

Truth is like a slap in the face. But this slap saves you from a cut on the heart </3

Goodnight, goodnight. Off to my dreams, I go. But when I wake up, its all back to a fantasy-reality world all over again.

The crossroad of my life

Crossroad of my life

I’ve spent more than 2 1/2 years in Poly. In about 2 months time, I’m going to leave school. I’m going to face the world. I’m going to make decisions.

I’m scared.

Honestly, I don’t know where to go. I know I like to make films. I know what I like in film making. But what am I going to do when I graduate? Should I get a job first before studying? Can I survive the industry? Or should I study in some local U? But I don’t quite like the courses they offer… Maybe I should go overseas to study? But am I ready for these? So many question marks. So many questions unanswered. So much doubts.

There’s a 4 year course here in Sg. But the first year is spent doing drawing and 2D, 3D animination. Great. That’s probably my favourite module of them all. Then there’s this really good producing university here too, Chapman University- but producing is something that is just not me. Paperwork!?!??!!? I don’t mean storyboards, shotlists and all. But budgeting, scheduling, marketing!!!!! Honestly- I can do those, but I’m not going to like it. I like cinematography. I love to learn this skill 🙂

And looking through my life, (well, yeah, I may be young, or so to speak) but cinematography is something I have the greatest interest in. It excites me whenever people talk about it. My heart rate literally pump 100% faster. Ok, I’m exaggerating, but I’m not lying. Hahaha…

I went to search some good cinematography universities. University of Southern California seemed the best so far. If being able to be accepted isn’t a problem, I’ll shoot (in a cannon bomb or something) there now. Oh wait. One more thing. Am I prepared for these?

Studying overseas meant living independently on your own. Making new friends all over again. Facing troubles without the physical support from family and friends. Learning from mistakes and standing up by yourself. And there’s so many uncertainties. Can I adapt to the total different living conditions? Can I communicate with people of different cultures and backgrounds? Can I handle all these huge changes by myself? So much fear. So much in the unknown.

Then I remember a quote I read from somewhere: Life’s too short to be afraid. Maybe that makes most sense to me now.

And then I thought to myself. If cinematography and film production is something I love so much, should I not be prepared to face all the world’s troubles to be more in touch with it? I don’t mean sacrificing family and friends. I don’t mean giving up my life for it. I meant being brave, being independent and being determined. Being ready to face the problems and challenges. All the difficulties and fears.

Easy to say. Hard to accept.

I see myself doing much more thinking about it. Wish me luck, wisdom and lots of guts.

May I make the right decision.

P.S. Let my life revolve around you.

Reflection off the ND in the mattbox

Part of the set design ❤

Flags on the field

Dearest SRII

My t-shirt reflection off the mattbox

Treated like a dear

Cool eh!

Dolly tracks on an open drain

Argh! ~~~

Apple box made cute

I’d love to upload more photos of the production crew. Hopefully I get the time to do so.

Life is tough, but misery is an option.

When people start comparing lives, you somehow seem to come to a conclusion that life sucks. Then you start to find ways to cheer yourself up, and you think of the less fortunate. As I read Anne Frank’s diary, she mentioned ‘how can people be happier and more satisfied with their lives when they know that there are people out there suffering?’ How true is that…

Like they say, life is tough, but misery is an option. We all agree life is tough. When have life ever been a bed of roses? No, never. Everyday you face with more difficulties and even sadness. Oh, I can vouch for that. But I was in the toilet the other day and it dawned upon me that we all have to live life, lets make it merry. It ain’t easy, but I believe it’s possible.

So many shit has happened to me, i feel ‘depressed’ every other day. There doesn’t seem to be a day where I can lie on bed with so much happiness that dreams seemed boring. There doesn’t seem to be a day when I feel so happy I can fly. And there doesn’t seem to be a day when I think I’m the world’s luckiest person ever. But somehow, it seems to be that I have to be happy. Just for my sake.

Anyway, we’ve been through 2 weeks of shoot for our final year project. Filming has been fun, there were lots of laughter and excitement. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t moments of anger, stress and disappointment. Just like life, we’ll all go through it. But I really want to thank all that has helped us. A big thank you, it couldn’t have happened without you all (cheesy, but true…)

The dailies have been out. We’ve run through a few session of DI, so the look of the film is roughly there.

If there’s one greatest fear, I’m afraid to disappoint. I cant seem to gauge for myself how well or not did the footage turn out. I just hope that all these years of hard work, passion (as they call it), determination did not come to a waste. I hope that all the hope you guys placed on me has not turned to disappointment.

Like I said, my greatest fear is to disappoint 😦 Oh, I’m scared to turn blind too, but that’s beside the point…

P.S. I wish for days when I feel so happy I can fly. Oh, let it be…