Things we forget

I’m sorry, this title has nothing to do with my post. Maybe someday I could make a post relevant to the title, though I can easily think of many ‘things we forget’. But anyhow..

I’ve been asking myself a lot of this lately: Am I ready? Am I ready for college, really? Lately, I have to admit I’m anxiously waiting for replies from the colleges I have applied to. I hope to get into a few more colleges, so I can have some to choose from. So anxious, you know? And then comes the question if I am ready. I dont know. Now, even now, few months before I’ll begin school, I still dont know. But all I know now is that I’m excited, eager, motivated. I probably wont know if I am ready till the first day of university. Probably. But right now, I’m doing all I can do is get ready. Learning to cook, jogging, reading up on life in college, talking to friends who are already in overseas universities. And I could swear I’m looking forward. No doubt, scared, afraid, and seriously, so scared I can pee in my pants. But I’m excited. And I want to get ready. That’s all about it, isnt it? I cant wait!

All I need now is encouragement. No more doubts. Warnings? Well, that helps. But I am well aware of the dangers. But encouragements. Support. I need these more than anything right now.

I’d love to write more. Maybe in my next post I will. But mom’s rushing (and nagging) me down for dinner now. Argh. Another reason for me to be excited about college. HAHA!

Laters 🙂

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Ah Gong and Ah Mah

Grandparents love unconditionally. You could be the nastiest child, but they’ll never blame you, they’ll never hate you. On the contrary, they’ll love you even more, hope that you’re not sad, hope that everything is well in your life. They’ll never forgive you, because they have never blamed you.

I was rude to my grandparents today. Despite their kind intentions, I mistook it for hindering with what I wanted. I was evil, I was mean, and I deserved to be scolded, ignored, and punished by them. I behaved like an ignorant brat that don’t deserve love from grandparents like them. I dont know what went into me- I feel so guilty now I want to cry. I want to be punished, be reprimanded. When I went to ‘visit’ them at their house after my senseless behaviour, they were so loving to me, made it seem as if nothing happened. Ah Ma even asked if I was ok. Asked me why was I so sad. I wasn’t even brave enough to say sorry. Sorry for being rude. Coward. Ah Gong was happily eating peanuts, but when he saw me at the door, he rushed over just to see me. Just to smile at me. They knew I’m going to a far away land to study in a few months time. They just wanted to spend more time with me. As if that wasn’t MY duty as a granddaughter to do so.

Ah Ma even said she wants to give me $1000 to shop, to buy whatever I needed for school next year. I cant take her money, she’s facing enough family financial problems herself already. But she wanted me to have the cash. She probably didnt care if that meant that she has to buy lesser clothes, cheaper food. I gave some hundred bucks to my grandparents from my earnings months ago. And although Ah Gong has used up almost all his pennies to settle some family financial problems, he kept my hundreds cash with him in the house. He showed them to me, said he wont spend a single penny of it.

I’m such as Ass. Ass, with a capital A. No, make it capital A and S and S. ASS. So useless, so undeserving. Why am I so cruel? How can anyone be mean to grandparents like this? Though I didnt steal from them, didnt scold them, or didnt physically hurt them, I was rude to them, I behaved as if I was superior. As if. How can anyone be so evil? How can I be so evil.

If I could turn back time (I wish), I’d change today. I’ll be friendly to them, be sincere, be loving. I wont be such an ass. I’ll be who they’d love me to be. No, I’ll be the person I am. The person I should have been.

They will never read this. Hell, they’ve taken computer classes, even have a little certificate of accomplishment. But I know they wont see these. But I just want to say how sorry I am. Puppoop. I’m a puppoop for treating them like this. I’m sorry, I truly am. If there’s anything I can do to change, I swear I could be nicer to them. Wait, they wont approve of me swearing. I promise I’ll be nicer. I’ll be the grand kid they deserve.

I’m sorry, and I promise I will change. Give me another chance. I’ll love you guys more than I thought I ever could.

Satisfied.

My young cousins were so eager to watch my team’s thesis film yesterday- Stories. When they finally got to watch it at my place, they were giggling at scenes and sequences of the film meant to humor. I gotta say, it is moments like these that makes me really happy, eager, and excited to continue film making and learning this art. This form of communication.

 

A very satisfying moment. They clearly made my day.

 

🙂

Accepted to Temple University

I received an email from Temple University couple of weeks back, stating that I’m accepted to the school for Spring 2011! Whoopee! Waiting for my acceptance letter in the mail. I’m so honored and excited! 🙂

 

Still waiting for other Universities’ replies. But I’m really, really glad about this.

 

Now I’m just enjoying every moment spent in Singapore. Family, friends, freedom. Best of three worlds 😛