Am i too young to understand?

Am I too immature to understand why people get married?


While I’m not a fan of romance type movies, I’d watch a few once in a blue moon. Yeah, well, it’s romantic, it’s touching, it’s sweet, and funny sometimes. But what happens to the characters when the credits roll? If their life behind the silver screen do exist, when the ‘film’ fades to black, they’ll grow old. And then, what happens? Is life still as sweet and exciting as portrayed in their movie? Or what would they do when they face problems they cannot run away from?


When one is young; differences, hardships, and challenges, makes life interesting. They give us an aim, and help us find ourselves. But when you grow old, all you want is to be comfortable. No? I dont know, I’m just assuming. And so a clash of ideas and personalities makes life (or the almost lack there of) difficult and wavering. When all they want is some peace. So, can romance still be accounted for when one is old? Or is romance reserved only for the young?


Can a romantic marriage truly last?


Please dont judge me. I’m not a romantic. I dont believe in love at first sight, having a soul mate, or marrying your one true love, for that matter. I believe people have the rights and power to change their ‘destiny, fate’. I believe people can fight to love. (Not fight for peace, mind you.) Fight adversaries to love someone. But romance, chemistry, or the so called ‘electricity’, plays a part too, no? Oh, I dont know. So can a combination of these factors lasts with the inevitable effects of time? Does time destroy romance, and the will to fight for something you believe in, or, more importantly, someone you love?


The question really is, can a romantic marriage last?


Or do you simply accept the person that you are married to as just another family member you have to live with for life? You know, think: Dude, I have no other choice. I’m too old to make a choice. I’m dying with this one. Suck on it.


I dont know. I dont know if you know what I’m saying, even. I’m confused. It’s complicated.


All I know is: I dont know if I understand marriage.

I dont know if I understand time.


Being you

Mann, it’s 5am in the morning and I’m overflowing with thoughts. Haha!


They say you have to be yourself, be who you really are, blah blah blah. I believe it to be true, and I’m trying to live by it. But it’s difficult, though. I’m afraid people think I’m weird sometimes. I used to think I’m very normal, but the more people I get to know, the less I feel like I’m like anyone of my friends. I mean, the pets I keep, the things I adore, the things I always do. I thought they were as normal as normal can be, but I feel I’m wrong sometimes.

Dont get me wrong. I’m not sad. In fact, I find this to be quite funny, actually. To be ‘weird’. I watch a movie once, forgot the title, but it explained life pretty well. It said that when you’re young, you try to fit in, try to be like everyone else. But when you grow older, you’ll do everything to be different, to be unique. I think it’s pretty darn true. And it’s ok to be different, or, ‘weird’ as some people term it. It’s bloody great, actually!


Kids, it’s OK to be different ❤


I’ll forgive you if you dont understand a single word I’m saying. I’m just dead beat. Killed some zombies just now with a couple of cool friends in a lan shop. HEH. Life’s awesome 🙂


I ❤ the holidays. I mean, my friends’ holidays. Cause it’s like my holidays too! Since, you know, I’m not working yet.

Can’t wait to find a new job next year! I guess I just hate rusting at home. Doing nothing at home for a month is heavenly. But too much is never good, I guess. After a while, it just sucks all the energy and excitement in you. But I believe I’m going to work soon! And I can earn some cash to pay for my lodging in uni next fall! Excited.

Today, I learnt that hamsters can’t eat cheese. I hope I never found out, though, because I THINK I MIGHT just have fed Chivo some cheese about the time of his death. I cant know for sure, since I was away on a shoot 2 days before Chivo’s death in Jan this year, but I MIGHT have fed it to him a couple of days before leaving for the shoot. Now I feel as guilty as a murderer would. Damn. I’m sorry, Chivo.


Goodnight, then.

It’s christmas today!

I had an awesome time with my family tonight. There was a gift exchange, and I got a really sweet angel pendant from Mummy! She’s my Secret Santa. I am, on the other hand, my sis’s Secret Santa. Got her a pencil box and loads of markers. I do hope they’ll last her through her Uni years. Mom got some fragrance stuff from Dad from The Body Shop. Dad’s got a new belt from my sis! My grandparents got a pair of almost matching Hush Puppies T-shirt. I think they really loved it. And Auntie EE has a Body Shop sleeping spray. I wonder whats up with my family and Body Shop. Even August, my hamster, and Junior, my sis’s hamster, has Christmas pressies! They got some fresh new hay, stolen from Natalie, our 8 year old bunny.


Christmas marks the end of a year. Almost. I cant wait for 2011! August, especially. I cant wait to enter film school! I’m turning 21 next April, but the thought of entering school excites me more than being 21. Hmm.


And tonight, I’ll pray. I haven’t prayed in years. But tonight, I think I’ll talk to God a little. It’s been a while.

Learning about the world

Someone once said, the best filmmaker is one who knows not only about film making. (I hope my grammar’s right here)


So, one of my new year’s resolution, as well as waiting to enter college next Fall, would be to increase my knowledge on world issues! I just returned from the community library with books on Astonishing Women Artises, World War 1, and Pearl Harbour. It’s a slow start, considering that I borrowed these books from the teenage section. But I wouldn’t want to bore myself out with too much facts and evaluations. Dude, I’m not writing a thesis down here 🙂 Perhaps I’ll move on to deeper things when I get a hang of what’s going on, and what interest me.


I’m actually loving history. And it’s sad because in school, we learn mostly basic backgrounds on history. And most of what we’re tested on/are taught are the history of Singapore, Malaysia, etc, from the 1930s and till today. Social Studies, they call it. But, man, Sg’s so small. Yeah, it’s important to learn about my country, but I cant go on in life just knowing enough about the little fishbowl I live in. I’ve explored quite a bit in this little safe tank. Now I want to learn about the ocean. I want to know about the world’s ancestors, not just ‘mine’.  I think History’s important. Maybe it would be difficult to take tests and exams on history (argh, dates) but to have a knowledge about it is amazingly interesting and thought provoking.


I mean, it’s important, considering I’m from this world.


Anyway, updates on my college application:


I’ve been accepted into: Temple University, Columbia College Chicago and University of Miami (Spring admission for all)

I’m going to Loyola Marymount University in Fall 2011 though. I’m actually happy! It’s a great school, and I’m already excited to study there. My dream school. I CANT WAIT! 8 months before school- I’ll be working. I wish for a smooth process before I leave for US in several months! I know I’m going to love it there 🙂

Rejected from: Boston University, Chapman University (they asked me to apply for a Masters though. But I think I’m not prepared for it.)


It was a tough few months. LMU is my DREAM school. But I got to wait for 8 months to enter. And then temptations start coming in when other schools started accepting me. But I know I’ve made the right decision for everyone, myself especially. I know I’ll be more than happy to enter the gates of LMU in August 2011, and I’ll be so excited I could fly. I’m truly happy to be accepted there.


I have friends and my mom to thank, really. Mummy never gave up supporting me. She went through the admission process as a very concerned mother. She made sure I had everything right. And she encouraged me when I thought I could not even live through the admission process.


And my friends. Marje was leaving for the UK, yet she gave me great feedback on my essays. Shuhui encouraged me when I was at my ‘downest’ even before the had the opportunity to bathe after a long day ( I so appreciated it). Ying acted in my Chapman application video even though she never aspired to be an actress. Ying’s sis offered me her voice when I disturbed her late at night to help me with a VO recording. Van lent me her precious Canon DSLR and her home to shoot in. Eugene and Ray gave me feedback on my video and essays. Mrs Tay, Mr Lim, Mr Lau and Mr Yip, my lecturers supported my endlessly with all the forms they had to fill in, and recommendation letters they had to write despite it being their school holidays. Many other friends helped me in so many ways I dont know how to thank them. ❤


I’m so darn lucky!


Now I got to get my life in order. Learn driving (actually complete learning), keep myself fit, make new friends, learn intermediate Spanish (?), get a job at a film production/photography company, spend time with my family, increase my world knowledge, yo. I need to spend these time wisely and not waste a second of it!


Hasta la vista. Till we meet again.


Off to learn about the first world war.