There is always a mountain taller than the other (Chinese idiom)

There is always going to be another girl prettier than you. 

There will always be another girl who has smoother hair, clearer skin, bigger eyes, or a sharper nose than you. This is a fact, a hard truth. But everyone is different, and perhaps instead of spending time worrying about how you look, you can build up whats inside. Cause it is whatever that is inside of you that matters, and it is your characteristic that will never fade with time.

 

If you want to be loved, be a good person inside. 

 

Facing these insecurities isn’t easy. They make me pain inside, they make me afraid, they cause my to loose my appetite and spoil my mood. Like a roller coaster ride, cept it goes on and on forever and thus it is not fun.

 

I keep worrying, and wondering if ‘I am good enough’. What if I am not smart enough, or pretty, or funny, or cheerful enough. Will you love me less? Will you leave me for someone who can fill up the imperfections of me? I doubt myself, then, you make me realise that such actions shows you that I doubt you too. And if I don’t love myself, who will love me? And if I dont trust you, how can you trust that I can give you happiness too?

 

Lets put it like this. I keep saying that I’ll change, and that I promise you that such things wont happen again. Although I fall short of my promise, you continued to trust and support me. If you had doubt me and said: Please, how can I trust you if you keep failing?, I wouldn’t have had so much courage to continue to be a better person. I have disappointed you yet you still trust in me. You did not betray me, yet I show you that I dont trust you. This isn’t fair, now, is it? No.. And I am being selfish and unfair here. But you didn’t leave me. Isn’t this the perfect love I’ve always been seeking? And instead of treasuring it, I give you more problems. I shouldn’t. I need to work on becoming a better person and a better girlfriend.

 

I am sorry I broke your heart. I am sorry for being like this. I cannot promise that I can change as fast as hamsters breed, but I will keep trying, till I succeed. Please hang in there, boyfriend. Just a little bit more, and we are free. I want a simple life too, as much as you do, and I will not do anything to complicate it.

 

I trust you. But perhaps I got to start trusting myself first. 

 

You’re always in my mind.

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