Open your heart

Girls are generally petty. But I’m not going to use this as an excuse for my bad behaviour. Sometimes I find myself very petty. (I hope it’s pretty, but no, I meant petty).

 

How small things bother and affect me. I get irritated by this little little things, and I become sad. But hey, why be sad? As the saying goes, we all have 24 hours to live in a day, and whether we are sad or happy, life still goes on. Life goes on, right? Why waste time being sad? It took me long enough to understand this. And I’m still trying…

 

If we learn to open our hearts a little and take life a little less seriously, we’ll be a happier person. Sometimes, I ask myself: Will what happen today still affect me 5 years down the road? If the answer is no, then really, I shouldn’t even bother about it. Being a small person is not nice: not only does it not make you happy, it affects the people around you. And if you love someone, why hurt them, right? Being a ‘small person’, to me, is: petty, unforgiving, calculative, selfish, jealous. And being a ‘big person’ is a mere opposite of those.

 

A good friend once told me about this emperor in China. He is a very sincere person, and he treats his brother-in-law with alot of sincerity, honesty and respect. He believes that by treating his people well, they will honor and love him as an emperor. But as there are always evil people in this world, his brother-in-law betrayed his trust and went against him. He also got the people to rebel against the emperor. Now, did the emperor deserve any of these? No. He was kind, sincere and honest. But why suffer these painful betrayal? Well, I guess this is life. No one can say why…. Hopefully he learnt something valuable out of these. And although the people did not love him, it’s ok, really. His conscious is clear.

 

Its difficult to accept such facts of life. People say that good will come to the people who are good. But sometimes, none of these is true. People get away with things. Others dont get rewarded for the things they have done well. But really, life goes on. Whats important is your conscious. And if man cant see what you’ve done well, at least God can.

 

And deep inside your heart, you know you’ve been good. That’s very, very important.

 

Dont matter what they say…

Every person is a Human Being

Recently, many Singaporeans are enraged with the steady increase in the number of foreign workers in the country. Many Singaporeans feel that Singapore ‘dont feel like home anymore’, and say that Singaporeans seem like a minority in our own homeland. I cannot disagree more. I hate the fact that there are more foreigners in a MRT cabin than there are locals. I honestly dislike the competitions that ours and the next generations are going to face. I truly hate how overcrowded we are right now.

 

But it dawn upon me that many Singaporeans are not treating these foreigners well, have we not? Hey, I’m guilty of that too. Sometimes on my way back to hall, I’ll come across China students. Actually, many times. Most of the time, I’ll glare at them when they are talking very loudly or blocking the path. I’ll be scolding them under my breath, blaming the government for allowing them into the school and fighting for space with local students.

 

We have all been really angry Singaporeans, haven’t we? I cant say we are to be blamed for thinking and behaving like this. We feel threatened. The country we used to call home is being invaded. We feel very insecure and afraid. We need to fight for our rights. But I cant help but feel that sometimes, just sometimes, we are doing it wrong.

 

Because let’s face it- foreigners are human too.

 

Today, in the MRT platform, I saw a group of foreigners who look like they are from the Mainland, arguing. It wasnt some kind of heated argument. There was a huge black bag on the ground, somewhat like a trashbag, and this man was pointing fingers at his ‘friends’, seemingly accusing them. But then this one man caught my attention. He was skinny, alright. Dressed in an oversized bright yellow and messy t-shirt tucked into a brown 3-quarter pants, and wearing sandals. On a normal occasion, the ‘fashion-police’ in me would immediately judge his appearance. But that look on his face, I still cannot forget. He was ashamed. Looking around at people who are staring at him. Head tilted down. Like a little puppy punished for being naughty.

 

But it was the look on his face that reminded me that these foreigners are human too. They feel shame, just like you and I. Yes, we dislike the fact that they are coming here in the hundreds, or even thousands. But I feel that if we were to personally ‘attack’ them individually, that doesnt make us very nice humans. Let’s not talk about being nice Singaporeans, like how the government have been urging us to be. Lets just talk of us as humans. Human beings. You and me.

 

Being mean to another person because of their nationality isnt very nice. It doesnt reflect very nicely of you. We can get angry, yes. We are humans too, we have emotions. Anger is one of them. But to look at an individual (or even a group) of foreigner and void them of basic human respect is rather mean, I feel.

 

I agree that not all foreigners have been very nice. The NUS students who called us dogs. The rich Ferrari driver who killed a Taxi uncle and a Jap lady. The China bus driver who knocked down an elderly pedestrian. And the list goes on…. … And yes, I feel angry too. I’m raging in anger. I feel sad for the people who have died, our innocent fellow Singaporeans… And I can understand why and how my friends are very pissed off too. I believe that we have all the rights to be angry. But that doesnt give us the rights to be mean. To treat them less of a human being. I’m guilty of being bad too, and I’m trying my best to mend my ways though I’m very sure it wont be easy.

 

I know what it feels like to be treated in a biased manner, and hey, it sucks so bad I wanted to cry. In fact, I did. I’m sure you have felt this way too, to be treated in a way you start to wonder if you’re actually human. If we hate being treated like this, maybe we should start treating people better. It’s not about Karma. It’s just about being human…

Does age matter?

Today is my Dad’s birthday. He’s 61. You may think I’m late into my 20s already, given his age. But I’m only 22 this year.

 

When I was in primary school, I was embarrassed with his age. Judge me if you will, because I deserve every bit of condemnation and judgement. I remember when I had a class BBQ at the neighbourhood park, and my friends and I were hanging around the stone table, digging into our chicken wings and chatting. Then, from afar, I saw my dad. His hair was all grey and thinning. My friends dads were into their thirties, young, and at the peak of their lives. My dad? He was old. And I felt that it was embarrassing if my friends knew his age. I had a few friends who knew his age, and they were all: Ohhh-hooooo, and ahhhh-ahhhhh. Dont blame them for being immature, cause adults react this way too- I’ll get back to this in a while.

 

So, I remember sitting on the stone table, holding on to my chicken wing, and sincerely wishing that my dad wouldn’t walk this way. But as ‘luck’ would have it, he walked towards us and gently waved at me. I waved back at him and said hi. But boy, I was embarrassed. And for the next few years, I’ll try to avoid talking about my dad’s ages to my friends.

 

When I went into poly, everything was kinda cool. People don’t talk about families as much, and I had half forgotten that I had an ‘old’ dad. Maybe I was more secure and confident about myself, and I had big dreams that I was dying for. Perhaps I even lived in a fantasy world for a while, a world where dreams gets fulfilled and decent movies get made in Singapore.

 

And then, as I mature, the issue of family comes into place again. I see the importance of a family, I see how much my parents and grandparents have done for me, and I learn from them. And the little issue about my dad pops up again.

 

My friend shared with me how he/she found out that his/her dad has a mistress, and how hard it has been for my friend and his/her family (trying to be as ambiguous as possible here..) It basically tore the family apart. And it hurt me to hear things like this.

 

Then, I looked into my life, and I’m so damn grateful my dad’s not this kind. I’m not saying just cause nothing has been revealed. I’m saying because I know it’s true. I trust him, and I know so deeply how much he loves the family. It strucked me- so what if he’s old? So what if he’s 60 when I just become and adult. Yes, we have quite abit of a generation gap- he doesnt quite know what FaceBook is, and he’s comfortable using his old Nokia phone. Even my grandma has a smart phone and is more hooked onto technology than he is. But hey, he’s faithful to my mum, he never abuses us, and he always teach us how to be a good person. I have the ideal dad with me since I was born, so how could I ever be embarrassed with his age?

 

As I have mentioned, adults have told me that it’s not quite right to have such an old man for a dad. (from TV shows and all, and from conversations I’ve heard from others) But as my lecturer would put it, thats seeing the smaller picture. Whats most important? What are the demands from a father? He can feed the family (he actually sold his beloved house for millions just to be able to send me to the US for my further studies), he loves us and our mum, he respects my mum’s parents and loves them as his own, and he teaches us to be ladies and virtues (he once caned me for asking him to write a fake MC to my swimming teacher).

 

He’s hair may be all white now. He’s a little hard of hearing. My sis and I love to joke that he’s entering a second childhood in his presence just to tease him. But he has never once been the lesser of a Dad anyone could ask for. In fact, he’s perfect. He’s more than perfect.

 

Happy Birthday Daddy. We’re forever your little girls ❤